See that picture? It’s a (presumed) bug bite on Quinnlin’s leg.
Yes, it has a circle drawn around it in ink pen. Doesn’t everyone do that when their kid gets a bug bite?
Yeah. No. They do not.
When I was carefully drawing the circle while Quinnlin’s leg was draped into the front seat of the car I was having flashbacks. I was remembering how Gage’s “bite” looked the first time we noticed it and several days later when he was being released from the hospital with MRSA.
Yes, that happened one month before Quinnlin’s transplant. While I was passing a kidney stone or two.
When the kids have something health related come up I naturally think down the road instead of in the moment. I think about the next steps, the preventative measures I should take to make sure their transplanted kidney is protected. Always. Think. About. The. Kidney.
I think about the worst that can happen in any given situation. That’s where my mind goes. Immediately. It’s what I do. It’s what I’ve done for years.
It’s not something I think about much anymore, really, I just operate in a state of thinking ahead and sometimes that means thinking the worst. It’s what is normal now for me. I’m not sure why the act of circling the bug bite brought me straight to MRSA and Gage’s incident but I was panicked and for someone that doesn’t really panic often, I made note.
Perhaps it’s how scary MRSA can be to anyone but especially someone who is immune compromised. People die from MRSA. Knowing that brings home the frailness that accompanies a life like ours. Sure, we’ve known life is fragile for a long time. So maybe that explains why I’m in tears thinking about the little things that can grown into big things that are life-threatening. Some days reality can hit hard.
Some days it kicks you in the face just in case you forget.
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Big hugs to you. I am not in that stage yet, but I always think of the worst case scenario too. Daphne was throwing up yesterday and immediately my husband and I start judging when’s the time to get her to the ER for IV hydration. She ended up just fine and even going to her swim class, but the line between dangerously dehydrated and OK with her is so, so fine.
Thanks Melissa…I know you know! It just hits me sometimes that this is reality and most times I don’t even ever think about it. I have no idea why this got to me!
tough duty no doubt, and they say this year to be extra super careful about bug bites in general. With the warm winter, mosquitos and all. May it be nothing more than an everyday thing. Prayers to you.
Thanks Lori…
Your words make me feel it too, that panicky fear of what can go wrong will go wrong. I find myself needing deep breaths right now, so I’m taking a couple for myself and for you. Go vigil-mom-te!
Right? Panicky…that’s it, always nagging.
Big hug…
Today we went to CHOP for our OT appointment…Ryan and I had a conversation that fit in with your line of thinking….he said Mom usually when we come to CHOP in the summer it is through emergency and we have to stay. I replied, yeah let’s hope our planning keeps that away this summer..
Let’s hope your planning works too
I hope you stay out of the ER too!
I’m sorry. It’s hard to have to think the worst. Unfortunately it is our “normal.” We can’t just ignore things like most people. And we can’t delay. You are one of the few people who truly understands the phrase, “Ever Vigilant.” I’m sorry – and I’m proud of you. Gage and Quinlan could not be in better hands. Best wishes.
It is the “normal” now and it seems like it changes on me just when I’m getting used to it!
You mean everyone doesn’t draw circles around bug bites? I used to. I feel you, hon.
Exactly.
I’ve been running on one kidney since 1981 and doing fine but I still panic whenever I get a lower back/flank pain. After enough bad stuff happens it’s pretty normal to assume the worst.
It also helps to be a doctor’s kid who spent some time as a medical malpractice lawyer. A little medical knowledge and dozens of real-life horror stories was all it took to convince me that my kids were going to fall victim to horrible diseases. The nurse at my son’s former school is probably still chuckling over the time I insisted that my son’s migraine headache was probably a life-threatening AVM. Ha-ha! Silly mommy! But next time it could be dengue fever…