It’s been over a month or so, maybe longer, since I noticed someone on my blog who has been reading my entire blog since the beginning 8 years ago. That in itself happens a few times a month, but it is the posts that they are spending the most time on that have me thinking about them with a lot of compassion.
They bounced to my site from a post about how I am wrong to blog Gage’s mental health issues, since he is not of consent age. The site was blasting me, many people chimed in, (paraphrasing) just a sampling…
“What a horrible mother.”
“If my mother had done that I’d be furious!”
“What about his future? His job prospects? She’s ruined his chance for a normal life because it all stays on the Internet forever!”
The judgement. I felt it through the screen. It’s a good thing I’m used to it, so there isn’t much they can say that I already haven’t dealt with over the 8 years of living an online life. So, there is a lot on my blog to weed through, especially about mental health issues of a child. We struggled a lot, hence there being a lot to read.
To the person who is reading those posts, I’m sorry you have a reason to be reading those posts. I know how hard it is and how alone you feel. I know you feel inadequate, like there isn’t any way you can parent your kid the right way. I know it feels like you are doing the wrong thing and that you are questioning everything you are doing…is this right? Did I say the right thing? Did my kid just do that?
I felt all of those things a hundred times, maybe more. Then one day and the day after that it wasn’t so horrible. It wasn’t horrible because we just keep doing it. What do I mean by “it”? I mean we just tried one thing after another until something helped. When that didn’t help anymore we did something else. One day (2 years later) something worked and we built on that, well, we keep building on that today.
Hang on. It might not get better with everything you try, but my hope is that it will soon. Keep reaching out, keep searching for things that help. My last tip? Don’t worry about what people think about how you handle what your kid is going through. Not worth it.
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Thank you for your words of support, even though they weren’t specifically meant for me. My oldest biological child has bipolar disorder type II. He chose to live with his father about 1 year ago, and he is no longer on medications or in counseling. This is after three hospitalizations and mutiple suspensions, etc. His father believes that he does not need any medications or counseling, and I am sure will do whatever it takes to wipe his medical record clean so that he can join the military in two years. I just got an email from his school there about a week ago stating that he was failing every class except one, when I spoke with his father he said he was no longer on any modifications (he also has a learning disorder) because my son didn’t feel like he needed them.
My eldest daughter (my bonus child) has been suffering from depression for years, and finally asked for medication last month. This week she finally hit therapeutic levels and had a horrible reaction, we had to take her off everything and start two new medicines and give her an injected sedative in the doctors office. Also, she will start counseling Monday.
My middle daughter (14) called from her school in Texas last week, because she was having an anxiety attack during school and her father was too busy to come and get her. Like I can drive 8 hours to go get her…
My youngest daughter is being tested next week for autism spectrum disorder, and a whole host of other items. Can I just say now, that I have been dealing with mental illness for 16 years, and I am really tired? I thought my youngest and my middle daughters were fine, until the last two years and now the 14 year old is having anxiety attacks and the youngest has started regressing and is still continuing this pattern of behavior.
Just tonight I was informed that she has 5 nights of detention because she has decided to refuse to do her class work. She knows how to do it. She has all A’s in every subject, but she is bored and she would rather draw. I wish they would let her bring her work home, and we would just finish it here, but it makes the teacher angry that she will not do anything but draw in class.
I am at a complete loss, so if you have any really great ideas, I am all ears. I don’t know why the depression is just now coming out in our 18 year old, or why my 8 year old is regressing from 8 years to 5 as we watch. What is going on, and how do we fix it? Sigh…
Wow Becca, that is a lot to deal with and as I read it, I’m overwhelmed, so I can imagine what it’s like from the inside. It sounds like all the kids aren’t with you full time? And that treatment isn’t happening, as least for your son. I’m so very so about that — it must be hard to be in a situation like that watching what you can’t control.
As for ideas…I don’t know that I have any except try to get a really good psychiatrist who can really address some things with meds. Meds aren’t everything but sometimes they can reduce some symptoms of mental health problems enough so the person can get help.
I completely understand that you are tired – anyone would be with a list like that…be kind to yourself.
Keep reaching out. School counselors? Don’t give up.
you are such an amazing support for so many. Thank you
Oh thank you Andy. You are an awesome encourager!
I have been so grateful to have your kidney posts all neatly organized. It’s been super helpful in my journey. Closer to transplant every day.
Melissa, thanks so much for saying that, I really appreciate it. Sometimes I think about all of those posts and wonder what someone reading back must think about me, the situation, etc.
I am glad you are finding them helpful. Please let me know if you have any questions about anything! I’d love to help you if I can!
To that person … I’m just sending you some hugs and support. There’s plenty of it to go around. You’re not alone. No matter what IT is.
I know, they have really been on my mind a lot…
I love this blog! That’s all I wanted to say